...

Happy Birthday to you.Happy Birthday to me.Happy birthday to us.

Ok,so if it's my birthday,does that mean i'm allowed to feel happy/free at the cost of someone else's pain just for today?I did it to mom 22 years ago...just wondering...
Yeah, lizy's a mean bday girl...and that's all I got today.Sorry,blog.

Poetry Aside

Incandescent epiphany,
Poetic broad skies,
Dirt-studded nails
And languid sleepy eyes
A frozen dream,in the rear-view mirror...
A growing dot behind.
A new dream being born to someone ,somewhere

And another demise;

New city horizons,
A driver's cautionary tale,
Homeless bum dragging a plastic-box along it
And a dead dog,by its dead tail.

A hinged, narrow-mind
Livid with cropped notions
Stymied, suddenly, in the faded bus-window...

Hoarse from the brimming
With walls and lines,
Brimming with the hoarse
Screaming...
In the little,cropped scrap
Of the impassive sky.

And a concrete-and-coal-tar road seemingly so alive,
Lets the sky breath, and humans too
And drowsy weeds in its hindsight;
Why can a thought, a mind then not be...
Beacon to the blind---
Be this dead, speechless road
Basking in twilight?

A poetic broad epiphany
Incandescent skies,
And languid dreamer's sleepless new eyes...

Your Urchin II

An erased mute disk stands in my doorway

Wistfully staring me down,

Hunger in its soul-less resolute of charade,

Thunder in the way it pronounced

The words that hang so seemingly in despair

Like a telegram lost halfway

In the change of times

A lost soul, an urchin by the name it goes by…

It has had its time. Time…to say goodbye.

I have had my time,

I have had my chance,

I have had my run

And my cold mary romance…

All that walking and

All that remains

Is the phobic walking

Far away from shuttered plans.

I pause; I breathe a wheeze of black breath,

I wipe my mouth and breathe again…

No noise this time, maybe a silent prayer

To the ghosts of me, shadows in the air.

The spray of pollution still hangs in there…

Like a frozen mile of crossroads to hell.

As I peer through the grime

To the hairpin curve

Ahead

The urchin of mine

Cannot but laugh away…

In the distance of the portrait of illusions,

It smiles as it stands unmoving…

I take the pen and sign my own name

With the neurotic hand of the old beginnings,

I come back around the black smoke

To my old nerve endings…

Where lost time is but a tunnel

Of inane, blank euphoria!

Where my urchin does fade

Into violins and boxes of molded nostalgia.

And my urchin can be yours

If you promise to keep it good,

If you promise to let it stay...

Happy with its insane solitude.

Happy Independance Day....
To biting nails, to not taking showers, to procastination, to wearing shoes without socks, to having watched porn( 5 minutes do count), to judging and detesting beautiful guys in less than 5 seconds, to lying to my favourite two people on planet LySS---my parents---day in and day out, to being a spoilt cry-baby and pretending I cant cry, to being a brat and not owning up and saying sorry...(ugh!), to clandestine affairs with my hair, to nicking food post-3pm, to being a traitor regarding last-minute studying, to carrying on intellectual discussions on a completely clueless mode(!), to being hypocritically hypocritical ,to having the occasional crushes on some ethereally gorgeous girls , to secretly hating booze, to being a partial racist ,to knowing my dreams of writing is a wasteful fantasy, to loving him too much to tell him everything, to resenting my friends for making me so weak and needy at times, to cursing and 'god bless u'-ing Kolkata all at the same time, to being a perfectionist and spontaneous... at the same time, to having too many grey areas about everything that matter and overtly simplified ones on those that dont...to the utter and absolute chaos that is my petty little life.However... I am fearless, this is my battle and I will fight. Because this is a dawn and this is my land.There is either glory of freedom...or only defeat.Jai Hind.

Crash report--- 10th August, 16 more days till I am reborn.

Victim of fear now.Everything is a circle.Life, ironies, ripples, clouds...
Clutching faith and a brown paper-bag...I wonder if I should cover my head with it so I won't have to see...
May we all survive the crash.Amen.

My closure/ I had a Beautiful Nightmare--- August 8th, 18 more days till I am reborn.

This goes out to the people I haven't forgiven, can't forgive and won't forgive...

I know you would say I must share blame...
In the mishap that tore us apart, but you see I'm ready...I'm ready to burn the bridges now...yes,I am ready...
I will forget, that is how I will forgive.
The bridge will be burnt and so will the cliff...
There will be no sharp edge to smooth over,
There will be no parts or points to go over...
And there will be no reason for more blood-spill.
No.
I write my closure in the ashes from this burnt bridge...
It is my pleasure to declare you free.
Fly away...till the world turns over and you face the underside---
That familiar, musty smell of your old bed.
Sleep, my dear, my darlings of Fear...
Sleep till the morning outshines your pallid, humorless pokerface.
Sleep...sleep...
Is the best you can do for me.
So sleep...
While I take my leave.My closure.
You sleep...

Random Thoughts---5th August, 21 days till I am reborn.

Realization 101---

Life is just mundane when you're a goody two-shoes...especially if you have been to the dark side and back and forth.I mean, no offence to the proud goody two-shoes out there but...its like the upturning of a soup bowl.Once spilled, its non-edible...unless you're accustomed to feline ways,that is. Likewise, if you have once turned the sand-clock upside down and let time take its toll while you go from good to bad and bad to worse,and once your life has identified itself with the all-smartass concept of 'being bad' in a good,correction--- great beautiful-sinner kind of a way, a few days of being in the elegant platform slippers (metaphor...NOT) is like straijacket from hell, only that hell is probably spelled 'hea...'.Either way, point is...the reason I'm writing this is that I'm bored and missing being a nuisance.Period.And I wouldn't have 3-4 years ago.Wow, 3-4 years of constant wrong-doing!?Not bad...I should just treat myself to good booze just for that.Except...*sigh*

Cycle of Dust

I rant away,

Under the monsoon peck,

Halogens burning,

To illuminate our wreck,

I clap a sudden

Whisper to camouflage,

So I keep my crisis

Under careful check.

Good dust and bad dust grab our feet

We trip, we sway, you lean on me

I clasp your neck, I drag you down

We complete the cycle, round and round…

I hum away,

Your eyes cluster mine,

Ants traipsing

From around and behind,

I forsake a tryst

With my perfect kiss,

I hide my fury

With this perfect night.

I know I remember the hail cutting the air,

Heaven bestowed, and clinging to your hair;

I clasp your neck, drag you down

We complete the cycle, round and round…

I freeze away,

My limbs, my nose gone numb,

Melancholy melting

In the sweetness of being mum,

A twist in the tale

If I die under your wide-eyed gaze,

So I keep my vanities

Inside the last, missed tram...

I can wake again, if you touch my temple,

And raise me from my death rubble,

Because

I shall remember

Only the living strains of this singing fall,

Because

The good happens more

Often than the not…

When I clasp your neck, drag you down

We complete the cycle, round and round.

Happy Friendship Day---1st August, 25 days till I am reborn.

~.~.~.~
It is where introspection becomes ice-cream discussions, crossroads become one-on-one basketball shots, arguments become pillow fights and destiny becomes the untiring habit of secretly texting in class---"whts up wid d face?sumthin wrong?"
Yeah, whether you have it or had it, miss it or are waiting for it...it has taken and will take up parts of you only it can replace.No one and nothing else.Not even you.Those are the alien bits of us, which has been abducted outside the realms of your understanding and can only be governed, studied and understood by it.
This is my homage to the quasi-eternal, forever-everafter, universally-unique answer to all our questions---'becoming friends'...and to all the idiots who have taken that risk with me.
You know I love you all. :)
~.~.~.~