Your Urchin

I know the Gods are crying this time

For their blessings back,

Promising this wretched urchin a soul,

No fingers crossed in that…

But this urchin just wants to drown

And take the city along,

Smirks and sways in its last raindance,

Laughing its last rain-song…

I am that urchin without a soul

Clawing and feeling my way,

Craving for space between your restless eyes,

Wishing you would look away…

Distance and time fall short with me,

As I chase my conscience,

Distance and time run on stilts

As you chase my confessions…

When the fault-lines around my mind

Give in to rabbit-holes,

You shall fall and disappear

With only what you know…

My laughter will ebb,

So will the tears…

And the rest of my raindrops;

But who shall pray

For this wretched urchin now…

When you’re crying with the Gods?

My Red Bench

Somebody once told me,
The reason is all up there.
Well,God knows where to find me...
I'll just be sleeping on my bench.

It smells of fresh red paint,
Reeks of burnt cigarette memories
Of sitting on it, waiting for someone...
Till I'll give up and fall asleep on my bench.

Birds gather all around me,
Frisky little things they are.
'Used to be so scared of them once too....
Now I let'em wait with me
On my bench.

My bench is old and its rickety...
Its freshly painted but still...
One day, they had to move it
Fate called

Now I sleep on it in my sleepless dreams....

'Cause I'm not sleeping on my bench
Anymore

I never found God,
He found my red bench
Instead...

Growing Fears

I’m finally drifting away…

Into some null kind of place

Of washed-away innocence;

The last shred of hope,

And culmination of doubts,

Fire to the last of my broken fence…

I have no home, I have no sight

Left in me to grind to light,

Despite all I had to begin with…

All that innocence…

I’m in a new place now…

The crazy limbo that I’m in,

That led me into dreaming…

Of my old fears and cravings,

The dreams of endless fallings

From two inch-high sidewalks

Into the death of the dream---

The mellow awakenings…

Just when I was getting used to

The frequent getting-losts

In the next lane

Of my childhood neighborhood…

In the map of my old dreams…

The once-nightmares,that is…

Fears that grew fond of my dreams,

Are leaving me along with the dreams...

Have I forgotten the need to fear

The little dire things of life?

Or am I simply walking, not drifting…

Into the burst of growing up...

For one last time.

This Winter in my City

I live in a heartless summer-town,

Of sultry chills and wintry moons

Blanketing secrets in its slothful

Wakeful, sparkly silver hues…

I see you down the half-bridge,

Drained of the last speck of afternoon shine.

The sun is secure beneath the walls

Of bricks and buildings and you die..

To come to life in the shadows

Of my bed inside my quilt...late at night.

I sleep with the trees,

As they shall be…

Witness to dry winter kisses,

I have failed many hearts

They call me lucky

And that I’m fooled or simply blessed.

But I am no labor in respite

Of rain-drawn wind of hill-stations,

I am no humor looking for

A laugh to moist my sleepy eyes…

Leave me here and take me in

Curled in the tattered pillows of my long,slow nights

Make me your burnt and buried beautiful girl,

Your one-legged armor-less soldier

Make me...

Make me your winter's spring-butterfly.

Glass-sand

Circles of glass in the floor,

I have fish-eye views of not much more;

I prop myself up on my two elbows

And cork my vision, unscrew my nose.

There is not much more to see

More in this pit hole.

If you are trapped, I am too

But I’m not thinking on my own.

On my own, without a torch,

With no blind-man’s third eye at hand

You’re on your own, all alone

Grasping for hold on melting slow-sand…

My hand is near, but your lone thoughts steer,

You away and your beliefs grimly hear

Only hollows in the dislodged rocks…

It is dark here, and airless…

But I fear, my only fear….

That someday you might realize

That I was there at your side…

Feeling your last breath trickling away…

Because I’m standing on the circles of glass…

So you might breathe as they will break…

So we can both breath…

Together, breathe…

Even if for just one second.

Random thoughts about you 2

I laughed a lot today.Today I literally understood what 'getting a stitch in the side' means.Its a bittersweet feeling...mostly sweet,though.
I laughed and didn't care if my teeth weren't perfect...or if the sound of my laughter didnt tingle like windchimes each time...or if the joke was even worth laughing so much over!
I met some of my oldest friends...one in particular,I go back with to nursery but hadn't heard from since class 9.
So,yes,I was hysterical.
Can't even remember the last time I was so hysterical...!
Suddenly the world deems as a much more interesting place...a haven crawling with the essence of curiosity and serendipity...and even love.
I feel 15 again...burning with an enhanced and long-forgotten lust for everything.The Howrah bridge,Stephen Hawking and Steven King,recyclable note-pads,3 o'clock sky hues,shapes in mosaic floors...even you...

With love,
Everyone's Me.

Homesick Baby

There was a time….

There was a time when I blinked more times in the sun

But tilted my head upwards to bask in the omniscient heat rays,

Apathetic to the darkening tan in the cells of my façade…

A time when the sun and nobody else endeavored to darken this face…

There was a time…

There was a time when I ate powdered milk out of cupped hands,

Hid plastic gem-stones in mud-sands

And hid in seamless shadows thinking they could hide my shimmering little frame…

A time when no shadow in the world could hide this little frame…

There was a time…

There was a time when I was afraid of shapes in the night,

Would cringe from blasts of wind through the trees

And cling to Ma’s chest thinking there was a lock where our skins would meet…

A time when no one tried to cleave me from my imaginary locks…

There was a time…

There was a time when I lied about homework,

Bland food and how the school-skirt got wet

And prayed to god, I never understood, to let me redeem my fate…

A time when lies were paler than white and my fate was god-redeemed…

There was a time…

There was a time when I felt guilty about not liking grandma’s cooking,

About 13 seconds of dirty thoughts at thirteen,

About wanting any new toy or clothe, and sneakily using Ma’s nail-polish,

A time that was guilty of oblivion to the secrets of guilt’s consent…

There was a time…

There was a time when the rains would make me shiver much more,

But made me laugh much louder and longer,

When I lived each day for the night

And the two hours of lying awake

In bed---a child insomniac,

When I had fewer friends to think about and no lovers at all…

A time when my mind was clearer than the rain and I could love much much more…

There was a time…

A song, a ghost, a crime to my present,

A time when I was too short to open doors…

Yet somehow always found them wide open …

A time when I was good,

I had nothing to begrudge…

A time when I was easily homesick...

But funny how it was never quite this much…

Never.